You Can’t Fix Stupid

A loud noise that sounded like an explosion woke Rooster and me at 3:30 this morning. We both hopped out of bed. There wasn’t a doubt in our minds about what had happened. Someone had run into something large and unmovable because the yellow-jacket construction guys have returned. This time around, they are laying new sewer lines. There is a giant “road closed” sign at the end of the street, but folks have decided to navigate around the giant whole they made and heavy equipment they brought with them. Ignoring the giant sign and driving through the obstacles proves you can’t fix stupid.

I’m not certain if the Hoosier mentality, laziness, or simply a desire to get a good look at the big hole makes people in my hometown ignore the warning—a constant stream of traffic maneuvers between the big green trash dumpster and the heavy equipment. As I sat here writing this blog, I’ve watched four cars make the great squeeze. Some of them even squeal their tires and blow dust in the air to express their displeasure with the situation. They look in my direction as if I can do something to get rid of the obstacles.

Front row seat to you can’t fix stupid

The person who ran into the large metal plate last night didn’t even attempt to make it around the road obstacles. They collided head-on with the barrier the yellow-jacket guys’ put up to keep people from driving into the deep hole. The force of the impact pushed the two-ton metal plate twenty-five feet into the hole, slicing the concrete pipe in half. The yellow-jacket guys are going to have a surprise when they show up for work on Monday morning.

Rooster and I watched all the excitement through our front door with the lights turned off. The police showed up, and so did an ambulance. The Kamikaze driver didn’t seem hurt because they walked to the bus without being carried on a stretcher. A tow truck hauled away the disabled vehicle. Rooster and I sat up for a while, staring at the broken street in front of our house. Neither of us could figure out how someone could run into a large collection of metal and machinery. Rooster concluded you can’t fix stupid. He also suggested the event would make a good short story. I’ll have to think that one over for a while.

Conspiracy theory concerning the yellow-jacket guys

If you’ve been reading my blog, you know Rooster and I have been living with road construction for a long time now. All during the COVID shutdown, the utility company lay gas lines. I developed a theory there was a construction conspiracy going on as big as QAnon. (If you don’t believe me, ask Stephen King about guys who show up wearing yellow jackets.)

I’m starting to believe the person who ran into the metal barriers last night is part of the deal. Think about it. They destroyed all the work the yellow-jacket guys have done for the past two weeks. We’ll have to live with the noise and the dust for twice as long. Plus, they walked away from the crash without a scratch like a professional driver. Of course, I might be exaggerating the situation. The entire thing might be a product of my writer’s imagination combined with a lack of sleep. As I said, you can’t fix stupid.

Update:

We managed to have a conversation early this morning with the foreman of the yellow-jacket guys. He was very interested in what happened to the pipe in the big hole. Those yellow-jacket guys seemed normal during our conversation. They stood around looking into the crater for about an hour. I don’t think they’ve run into a situation like this before. After they left, the girl who did all the damage stopped by for a photo op. She claims she’s planning to contact a lawyer. I don’t know how she will get past the giant road closed sign issue when she files her lawsuit. Maybe he will tell her you can’t fix stupid.

Who is Molly Shea?

Molly Shea is an accomplished fictional short story writer from Indiana who writes short stories and novels about a fictional town called Tecumseh.  To read more of her short stories and adventures, click here.

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